The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
