420 ftw
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
