i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish you could order shots online.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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