I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
