so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
