yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
