Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
