4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
