I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
