Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
