The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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