I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
