I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
