he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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