no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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