please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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