I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
