he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
