My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
