you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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