Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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