i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wear drunk well.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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