Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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