How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
