we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
