i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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