today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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