if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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