It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
