I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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