My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize