I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
