If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
