It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
