you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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