Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
