Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
