I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
