Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
