Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
