Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
