paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
being pregnant is like rehab
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
