Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
