you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
