Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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