my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
