you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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