wanna go halves on a baby?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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