There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
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I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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