I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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