help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
