looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
