clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
