Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
