I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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