dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
