Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
