my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
