Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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