she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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