You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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