So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
