if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
