the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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