Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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